Where her mind is without fear

DISCLAIMER: This post is just for educational purposes. I do not intend to hurt sentiments through this post. Consider it trivial and move on if It somehow finds you hurt or uncomfortable.

Do you know why politicians sleep peacefully at night? No, not just because their stomachs are full. They can do so because they do not fear that someone would climb two floors to paint them with acid at night. Do you know why politicians walk with their chins up? They can do so because they do all the right things a good human should do. And why do the politicians always speak the truth? They do so because they have the right to speech and most of the times they choose not to speak. Well, not all of us are fortunate and virtuous enough to have these habits. Being a male, I already have some unfortunate and unnecessary advantages. Most of the females of our society have learnt to suffer in silence. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating the act of not speaking up and I am not going to talk about politicians in this writeup.

Just before the advent of the current pandemic, I came across an Argentinian on a trip in the mountains. We had a good chat about a plethora of topics but there was one specific question that he asked me is still stuck in my mind. He told me about a particular instance of when he was travelling across some major cities in Rajasthan. He had come across a lady near a shop. She had her face covered and was trying to speak broken English. He didn’t mind broken English being a native Spanish speaker himself. But that day when we were talking, he asked me, is it normal in India for men to reply on behalf of their wives in a conversation? I heard his question and thought to myself that maybe her husband was talking for her because she didn't know English or because he was being protective. But then I thought maybe it’s not that uncommon. Even if we talk in Hindi and there’s no strange foreigner. I replied to him accordingly and the conversation continued but this question later made me think a bit more about the commonly accepted behaviour of men in our country. Are we the sole saviours? Are we the all-knowing faction of this society? Don’t husbands depend on their wives? Or, do we become superior than our mothers after a certain age? I won’t give you my answers straight away, because looking at the present scenario in our nation and my recently lost faith in the youth tells me that a huge number of the readers might disagree with me.

As I have already mentioned the present scenario in the country, let us talk about the violent, inhumane and utterly disgusting display of male libido against females, very common around the nation. In short, news channels call them rapes. Don’t get disgusted, you deserve to know this even if you haven’t heard of it even once (which is impossible). Why do rapes happen? Does anyone know the answer? Well, for a long period I didn’t have any opinion about it but in the past few years, I have gained a decent understanding of the culture around me. To be honest, rape is inevitable in our culture and for God’s sake, it’s not because women have started to wear western clothes, tight jeans, short skirts or tank tops. We the men of this society are to be blamed. What? Don’t believe me? Are you saying, sexually provocating a man leads to rape? Don’t be ashamed if you think so. I recently came across this documentary where students (both male and female) of not more 10th grade were saying so. I found myself flabbergasted when I heard them but then, haven't you ever heard something similar from people around you? Don't you think the young ones around you are going to learn false facts like these sooner or later? If sexual provocation, symbolism and clothing would have been the prime reasons behind rape, then India would have not performed so well in this field.

Let me shed some light on one of the happiest countries in Asia, Bhutan. It isn’t just a resort for depressed people but also has a weird fascination with phalluses (click to learn more). There are specific regions in this relatively small country where phalluses can be seen drawn on the walls, in people’s houses, shops and even near temple complexes. Like the rest of the world, a phallus is accepted as a symbol of potency and Bhutanese culture doesn’t count it as a taboo too. There are several other cultures around the world which worship female reproductive parts too. If Bhutanese people live normally with an open display of phalluses and Indians worship some forms of it too (yes we do) and don’t feel sexually instigated then why the hell are young kids around us openly blaming girls for this rape culture? Please, don’t think I am advocating drawing phalluses on your walls or open display of explicit content. The truth is that things can get pretty weird in many parts of the world. Still, many of those countries are far behind us in terms of reported molestations of females.

Then, why? Why are we so good at this? I have three prime reasons to offer - our language, patriarchy and oblivious males. Yes, language is my first point and it's all I have for you today. I am going to treat our languages in a not so popular light as a reason behind female subjugation and violence against them. I am not going to talk just about Hindi. When I write language I am pointing to any language that you use in your culture, anywhere in the country. People often say language is a reflection of society. It tells us how people behave and what is the general mindset of a population. You may take examples of Bangla and Punjabi. The Bangla language is generally considered as sweet and on the other hand, Punjabi is considered as energetic and expressive. Similarly the slangs we use in any language play a huge role in deciding our general outlook towards this world. Mind that it’s not about a particular culture or group of people, I am more concerned with the slangs people have in their lexicons at individual levels. In the name of pseudo-smartness or cool-behaviour young people often use derogatory words for their friends and their family members. It might seem funny to bring this up out of the blue but try to think why is it considered cool or even normal to use derogatory words for your friend’s sister, mother or father. Sex is such a taboo around the globe and especially in our culture that most of our slangs either explicitly include it or refer to some human reproductive organ more often than we notice. When you start to treat a taboo as a form of aggression and coolness, results can be unprecedented.

I recently came across this research paper, Rape Culture and Sexual Slang by Katherine L. Bass. It describes a study done on some school and college students in the United States of America. This paper clearly states that there’s a direct relationship between the rape culture in American schools and colleges, and the slangs which the kids use daily, either to define sexual activities or in general. One can say that we don’t mean our words when we use slang among friends. Ok, I agree with you. I agree that using derogatory words doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person and that you don’t always mean what you say. But, does this fact justify your hunger to look cool, to be a good match for the pack or to behave like adults or whatever? Can you justify using a derogatory word for your friend’s sister and say that you don’t mean it? How delusional can you be if you are even trying to do so? Well, some may come and argue why males and slangs should be blamed for female’s being raped when there is a huge percentage of females who use similar slangs? To this, I can only say that it’s a result of an insanely illogical wave of fake feminism around our nation. These fake feminists use such slangs on your face and then post about women equality and gender rights on social media. Using slang neither makes you cool or normal, nor it gives you equal rights in this society. It might only change your subconscious perspective towards the opposite gender and for some people, it aggravates their insanity and their character of patriarchal subjugation.

I might consider discussing the other reasons too in the future but for now, I urge you to take a short moment and think about how you talk to your friends.

I consider this writeup as my piece of contribution in the pursuit making this nation an abode where her mind is without fear and her head is held high. Where her choices are free. Where she is not muted by a narrow-minded society.

Thanks for reading this.

Constructive criticism is welcomed at sumanarpit.24@gmail.com

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I owe some inspiration to 'Where the mind is without fear' - Rabindranath Tagore