Are you friends with people who don't look good according to general standards? I am not interested if you aren't. If you are and you consider yourself mature, considerate, etc even after you find yourself better looking. Trust me, you are the worst and there's no need to pay attention to this blog post anymore.
Most of us deal with different kinds of inferiority complexes. Related to social status, appearance, wealth, knowledge, education, social skills, so on and so forth. I have heard a lot of people say that these complexes shouldn't exist because we are not the centre of the universe. We shouldn't ponder about these things because people don't have time to judge us. Well, I see where these pieces of advice come from. People who say these things usually don't judge others. But then there are people who not only judge others but do so based on appearances.
I remember an incident about my sister. When she was five or six years old. She told a family friend that she doesn't like playing with him because he has dark skin. That made me question several things. I knew it was bad. I knew no one taught this to her. Are these thoughts her own or she inherited them from the family? Do we talk about people in a manner that makes a kid infer such things? If we do, should we? I believe all of us should ask these questions to ourselves.
I consider myself average or maybe below according to the metric of appearance. I know people who look great according to general standards and still consider themselves below average. In my opinion, it's not an issue of low self-esteem. It's a problem with the metric we use to judge the worth and beauty of ourselves and others.
We judge others and we always want the best for ourselves. We behave like birds, always picking the shiniest objects. Our human soul yearns for the brightest light source and just like moths, dies chasing it.
If I find someone looking different I don't jump to ask them why is that? I know the answer; It's none of my business. It is none of my business to judge them based on their external appearance. I would rather stay away from a person who is shrewd by nature than the one who doesn't look like Hritik Roshan. I would rather try to be friends with a person who has a nice vibe than the person who's a college heartthrob. I would rather walk alongside mediocrity if they are good to me than the so-called creme de la creme of society.
When we choose to be with people because of their external virtues we hope to see ourselves in their light. When we connect with people because of their internal virtues, their heart, behaviour and more, then we light up everything around us.
Let's rewind our clocks a bit and look at the early tribes of our world. We will often find the strongest tribesman as the warriors. The wisest as the chiefs and the most skilled folks as the craftsmen. Now imagine, if you are living in the wilderness who would you chose to be with, a warrior, a craftsman or a wise chief? It doesn't matter. What matters is that if you are choosing a person to be with to stay safe in the wilderness, then you are undermining your skillset. People have always been like this. We always choose what completes us. We would choose a warrior to live a safe life. We would choose a chief to have the warriors for our safety. We would choose a craftsman to build us the best weapons and again stay in a safe position.
Guess what? People have been behaving just like they were living in the wilderness even today. We think that we need good looking friends for being considered like them. A lot of us feel that we need to be around smart guys for being considered smart. But let's say we have another profession in our bags now, we have an explorer. If you choose an explorer and you know that safety isn't guaranteed even if you have ten warriors to protect you, but you can explore the world happily with an explorer and die knowing that you did what you loved. Wouldn't you be better off so?
It doesn't end at an explorer. Your choice can be a warrior as well but don't forget to stay connected to your real happiness to garner superficial benefits.
All of these things, in reality, are subjective. I might find someone to be rude and others might think of that person to be cute as a button. Thus in my humble opinion, the best bet is to focus on how the person behaves rather than how (s)he looks. Look at the virtues which matter.
Don't discard a friend because (s)he has dark skin, squint eyes, bald head, stuttered speech, less money and old clothes. Don't make a false friend because (s)he has fair skin, beautiful eyes, great hair, fluent speech, loaded pockets and best clothes.
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